Calling women outside our names seems to be one of the favourite past times of many – both men and women – who hold very conservative views about women, their sexuality and how they express said sexuality. Bitches, hoes, sluts and most recently thots, are only some of the names we call women who may dress or behave in ways that are contrary to commonly held views that women should be sexually pure as well as conservative in their mode(s) of dressing.
Poor batty-rider loving me is already exempt from all the shackles perks of being ‘modest’. Woe is me.
In contrast to men, women shouldn’t have or have gone through too many sexual partners (read: more than 2). Otherwise, she is a thot. Such women should not be ‘wifed’, become a mother and should certainly not even be considered for a serious relationship. Because you know, her sexual history ruins her if it is not very circumspect. God forbid a woman enjoys sex and wants to have lots of it! *cue the ending of the world*
What’s even more ridiculous is that these same men enjoy women who are sexually experienced and adventurous. I often chuckle at the cognitive dissonance a man inadvertently experiences when he admits to enjoying a woman who can hold her own between the sheets (or on the fridge top, but that’s for another day) but thinks he can never allow himself to admit he wants more than sex from her. She has to, or at least appear to be, as close to virginity as possible for him to openly date her.
On the flip side though, she also can’t appear to be too nun-like. Lest she be called a frigid bitch. Why can’t we ever win? Sheesh.
These ideas about what women can and should do with their bodies are of course shaped by very outdated ideas we have about masculinity and femininity. Additionally, they result in many problematic societal norms.
Let us take slut shaming, for example. This is the act of calling a woman a slut (and other derogatory names) because of how she acts, what she wears and her choice and number of sexual partners. This is socially dangerous as it leads to the legitimization and acceptance of sexual offences against women. It is much easier to see rape as acceptable when we deem the victim to be ‘loose’. We seem to take pride in ripping women to shreds about their sex lives; in calling them sluts and whores. We revel in slut-shaming without understanding the consequences of our actions.
Contrary to popular belief a woman is never ‘asking for it’ or ever deserves it. It is NEVER the victim’s fault that she was raped, no matter what you think of her lifestyle. If a woman chooses to sleep with multiple men concurrently that is her prerogative. Do encourage her to pinch, leave an inch and roll but that’s as far as your input goes. The truth is, whether she has two, twenty or two-hundred sexual partners, it will not be a deterrent to a rapist. Rape is never about the victim’s choices but about the rapist(s)’ decision to forcibly have sex with another person.
Corrective rape is another issue we have to contend with because of these problematic ideas we hold about what women can and cannot do with their bodies and vaginas. Corrective rape is the act of forcibly having sex with a woman who is attracted to or appears to be attracted to other women. How dare a woman reject the awesomeness that is men (and their penises)?! High treason!
Men who engage in corrective rape often believe that a woman simply does not know what she is missing and that’s why she has ‘resorted’ to sleeping with other women. One experience with his magical dick and she will be cured from whatever demon she must be afflicted by. Such a Good Samaritan, just looking out for those who’ve lost their way.
Men seem to think women are here on earth merely to satisfy them. It is unfathomable to many that women can and do dress, behave and have sex with whomever they like and are comfortable with. Somebody should tell them this is 2015 and we will do whatever we wish with our bodies and vaginas. Go police that!
[N.B. Parts of this blog first appeared here.]